Self-acceptance is here-and-now

Self-trashing

Did you ever notice how often you have dark thoughts about yourself, but ignore them — because you’ve been having them all your life since you can remember and think it is normal? I’m not talking about depressing thoughts having to do with the world-at-large, I’m talking about those bad thoughts directed primarily against yourself. You may begin to notice them by a lack of focus on what you are doing — and then watch yourself lapse into worry, embarrassment, guilt, etc. There are so many different ways we can trash ourselves without even realizing it.

Those infamous dark clouds

How many times a day (or night) do you feel yourself suddenly fading away because those infamous dark clouds have come for another visit? The experience may be fleeting, but you do notice that you are shifting out of lightheartedness and freedom and into a place that feels heavy and limited. When you allow these thoughts into your consciousness or semi-consciousness, you often sense “the bottom dropping out,” but are helpless to stop these thoughts. Just to give a few examples…
- Oh my god, I forgot my niece’s birthday!
- I look ugly this morning.
- Was my boss mad at me today?
- I’m getting old — look at those wrinkles.
- Why have I been procrastinating for so long?
- If I don’t call my parents, they’ll think I don’t love them.
- I can’t believe I haven’t answered that email yet!
- Another missed day at the gym.
- My boyfriend is in a bad mood because of me.
- It’s my fault that Miriam was late for school.
- I’m fat! I eat too much!
- I’m too skinny, I don’t eat enough!
- Look, my plant is dead because I didn’t water it.
I think you get the picture…..

The dark side of a good thing

Intuitive (read: sensitive and caring) people tend to have more dark thoughts about themselves than some other personality types because they are often more aware of the pain and suffering around them. They want to help and often feel worried or guilty if they think they’re not doing “enough”, whatever this might mean. Do you know what “enough” means to you personally? Is it time to ask yourself?

Recognition and ownership

Random self-judgment, created from our own high expectations of ourselves, will often invite our dark clouds in for another visit. If we have high standards, then we are often going to feel torn between looking after ourselves and looking after others. This is a frequent problem of caring spouses, parents, and close friends who feel they can always do “just this one more thing” to make life comfortable and happy for someone else. It may be so, but how does this affect you? Do you recognize when you are stepping too far outside of boundaries you have established for yourself?

Here and now

Accepting yourself — with all your foibles and dilemmas — can only happen in the here-and-now. Do you ever notice how you believe you will love yourself more or improve your self-image sometime in the future? If you think about it, those deeply imbedded feelings of worry, guilt, or low self-esteem can only be dealt with at the moment in which they occur. So let’s give it a try!

Try this for starters

No matter what you are doing (sitting at your work desk, walking down the street, talking with your friends, washing dishes, taking a shower, watching a movie, etcetera) you can start to love and accept yourself more by greeting your dark clouds and thoughts right on the spot. Aha! you can say to them…it’s you! Then, with a smile, do whatever you can to cuddle with your dark thoughts for awhile, making sure you are truly accepting them and not just pretending. And I mean this. Because, as many of you know, if you don’t accept your shadowy parts, you won’t have space to accept yourself in all its dazzling glory either. And I mean this too. Dark and light accepting each other’s behavior, no matter how uncertain. Do it gracefully if possible, but if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, just tell yourself that this is okay too.

Gentle twister

Then, with eyes open or shut (depending on what you are doing), imagine that there is a gentle-yet-powerful whirlwind, starting at your feet and moving upwards towards your head, collecting all the dark and/or self-trashing thoughts you have allowed yourself to befriend. See this energy becoming neutralized as it moves upwards and then off the top of your head, ending up any place you would like (for instance, into a canal, the welcoming shadows of Mother Earth, or the arms of a tree). Feel the difference — in body and in soul.

Own the source

Own the source of your highest creative essence — embodied by the symbol of a brilliant sun — shining above your head. Laugh as its intensity pours downwards into your body, tickling and filling up every cell, and into your soul — which happens to be inhabiting this wonderful body of yours — 100%. Say out loud, “my sun is filling me one hundred percent in the here-and-now,” and know that it is so.

Tell yourself

That you will go easier on yourself. That you welcome dark thoughts, especially when you can practice befriending and transforming them. That you will ask yourself more often if your boundaries have been compromised. That you will notice sooner when you care too much about what others think (but that you will love yourself just as much when you don’t notice). That self-acceptance is here-and-now.

Author’s note: I will be giving an all-day workshop on Sunday March 28th at Mens & Intuitie in Amersfoort called “Living with Trickster & Lightworker: balancing light and dark”

Please email me at lindakeenworkshops@yahoo.com if you are interested, or go to my website www.keenintuition.com and I will contact you with the more details. Thank you!